There is a difference between introverts and “quiet” people. It may be safe to say that most quiet people are introverts. BUT, not all introverts are quiet people. Introverts are often painted as these reserved quiet souls who would rather sit in a corner with a book and a blanket than talk to someone. This is not the universal truth of introversion.
It may be true that I prefer the company of a book and my dog to most people most of the time, but I do still crave and enjoy the company of other people, and—GOOD conversation. After all, we are humans before we are introverts or extroverts, and humans are social beings.
As an introvert, I’m just able to enjoy my own company more than an extrovert might be able to tolerate that same time being alone. Introverts value their alone time; we GUARD it. It’s a sort of survival mechanism. But we also value time with friends and the people that we love. We want to connect, and we seek meaningful interactions to do so.
Introverts sing on stage. We rally up crowds. We work in professions that demand performance, as teachers, lawyers, motivational speakers. We run for elected positions. We run companies and organize protests.
We are not all quiet people.
Being quiet is a personality trait, not a prerequisite for introversion.
As Erykah Badu sang, I pick my friends like I pick my fruit. If I’m going to expend my energy on something or someone, it better be worth it to me, because engaging with others takes a bit more effort. It just does. It doesn’t mean that I don’t value you, it just means my energy reserves are more easily depleted, so I have to use them more wisely. That’s my cell makeup, as an introvert.
Introverts go to networking events, but we may not go to the after-party if the event used up all our energy.
Introverts will talk to you on the phone for hours, but we may not want to talk to anyone right after we hang up, because all that mental energy needs rejuvenation.
Introverts go to parties and stay out till dawn. But we may not want to hang out the following few days or the next weekend.
Our alone time is simply our recoup time. It’s like when you work out. Your muscles are sore the next day so you need some time to rest before you go back out there.
Introverts just need time to rest.
And this alone time, or rest time, does not always involve being strictly alone. Being alone with certain people we love—that silent company that can exist between lovers, best friends, or close family members—that can also count. And it’s probably the most beautiful overlapping between introversion and extroversion. This ability to be both together and alone at the same time. It takes a special kind of relationship to be able to achieve this quiet harmonious way of being. Every introvert has at least one person in their lives that they can do this with (hopefully).
Introverts have things to say. We are not anti-social hermits. We have passions, and the people that we forge close bonds with, we love them deeply. We engage with the world, and love discovery and exploration just as much as the next person might. But we have a battery that needs tending. By taking some time out, we are not rejecting you, we are simply doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves.