Step 1: Consume coffee.
Or any caffeinated beverage of your choice. (Alcohol, optional.)
Step 2: Procrastinate for as long as needed.
This step is crucial, so don’t skip it (ha, of course you won’t). For example, you can ask yourself existential questions. Draw sketches of your next tattoo. Compose an email that doesn’t need to be sent. Google different ways to end the email because “Best” is so boring and such a cop out and never felt complete to begin with and what does it even mean? Best what? It’s lazy, that’s what it is. Or you can post a status about writing to make yourself feel like you’re at least doing something writing-related, even though writing a status does not count as writing but don’t tell yourself that because trust the process and this step is so crucial, did I mention that? (Do you feel the caffeine?)
Step 3: Stare at your document and try not to panic.
(Easy.) Try not to do this all day, though. Step 3 is like quick sand so keep your mind strong and whatever you do, do NOT leave your chair. The blank page may hypnotize you, it may give you hunger pangs, it may speak to you in a foreign language inside your head. Let it. Be brave. Practice breathing exercises. Feel the words tumble in your head. Gather them like chalk in your hands. This is your arena. You were made for this. Blood will be shed. (Metaphorically, of course. Calm down.)
Step 4: Write something. Anything. Just start writing.
The magic will happen but only if you start. Remember, the first draft is about giving yourself material to work with. You can’t mold your creation if you don’t have clay. Those first words to fill up your page are warm-up words. Don’t criticize them, celebrate them, coax them out. Those first words are the first logs in a fire pit. They will catch fire, but you have to add more, you have to keep going. Write first, edit later! (Note: Writing “Blah, blah, blah” is acceptable, but only for the first minute, or so, give or take, depending on the day, and the temperature in the room, and whether or not you had breakfast. Also, stop biting your nails. No need to be a savage.)
There is no step 5! Stop trying to skip steps and go back to Step 4!
(Also, stop putting so much pressure on yourself; you’re not writing the next Game of Thrones episode. But man, wouldn’t that be fun?) (Note: Do NOT write the next Game of Thrones episode, unless you are still on Step 2, in which case… carry on, then, and send me a copy.)
~ Mad Girl Writing